Pedih

Tolong kuras habis pedih ini
Entah dengan bagaimana
Dengan kata, dengan lukis
Dengan peluk, dengan canda
Dengan apa saja

Tolong dengarkan
Atau lihat
Atau apapun yang masih ada dalam kuasamu
Karena pedih ini telah merusak jingganya senja
Dan menumpahkan kelabu pada awan

Tolong jelaskan pedih yang kurasa
Yang menjerit dalam sunyinya malam
Yang berbisik dalam ramainya siang
Yang mengecoh indah rembulan
Yang menutup terang matahari

Tolong pahami
Atau rasakan
Kepedihan kelam
Yang memaknai
Segala perumpamaan ini

(B.B)

Bitter Chills

I don't know if
This morning breeze
Made this bitter chills
Or it's
The thought of you
Who would never be mine

(B.B)

{a poem}

"the flickering light

got me fooled

for i have thought

that it was you"

Anxiety

I'm Actually

"'That's the thing about pain,' Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. 'It demands to be felt'"

quoted from The Fault In Our Stars

I'm going to tell you a story about a friend of mine, or did she still consider me as one? But anyway, she's my friend, at least I still think so.

We've been friend for almost a year now, since high school starts. But we became best friend since around the end of the 1st semester. Long story short we're still in the same class until 3rd semester, 11th grade, which is now. And I still think she's my best friend, well, at least for the first weeks.

The thing is, in 10th grade she used to think I'm the "typical cool kids" or stuffs (she said that to me, well not like that but more or less it means the same), and I think that's why she wants to be my best friend. BUT now, because in my new class, which is my current class now, there's a lot more other "typical cool kids" that she loves to talk about in 10th grade, she leaves me. Instantly.

Well, I find it really rude when someone just come and interrupts me, or when they don't respect me while I was freaking talking. Is it hard to listen? It doesn't even take 5 minutes for me to finish.

So I was telling her a story, and I just started to talk for about 5 to 6 sentences. And suddenly she cuts me off like I'm not even talking.

At that time I was telling her about something that I have in mind (which is pretty important) but she didn't listen. And later on she will come to me and said "you never tell me anything anymore", well guess who's fault is it? Plus I always tell you stuffs, you're actually not listening.

And it happens a lot, like a lot lot. I'm really annoyed now. And what's more annoying is she never do that to anyone else.

The other day she was holding a pack of magazine to be shared to every class in my school, and there's only 23 magazines, so each class will only get like one or two magazines. While she was taking it to my class (I was accompanying her), I said "Can I have one please?" but she said "Wait, it's limited so I can't give it to you, sorry", so I said "Okay". And then everyone in my class walked to her and said "Can I take one?" but then she stays quiet. So I said "She said it's limited guys, sorry". BUT THEN she said "Yeah you guys can take it".

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

And after everyone leaves she panicked and said "What to do??? I haven't gave it to every class but the magazine is running off.", I was so annoyed so I said "Then why do you gave it to everyone?" with a super annoying tone and leave her, which she likes to do to me too since 11th grade.

And every time I was BBMing with her she loves to end my chat without even reading it first, whether it's when I said bye (it's not a problem if I said bye and she ends my chat) or when I was still talking or asking her something. But she reply other people's BBM. Like, really? So every time she BBMed me I like to end her chat (but not every time because I'm not that mean, if I don't end her chat and we stopped BBMing then she's the one who end my chats), whatever.

The most annoying thing is she asked me once, "why do you love to end my chat?".

WHAT????????? Girl, I'm really annoyed now.

And some other day she'll come to me and talk to me like nothing ever happened, and some other day she'll come to me and said "why are you walking away from me?", I'm sorry but I don't like how you treats me like shit. Then again, who is the one that walks away first?

I'm pretty sad

Uhm, I am a bit sad

Actually, I'm really sad that I lost my best friend, again. And lately I've been thinking "Am I that unimportant?".

But well yeah it doesn't matter, because nobody cares anyway.

Sorry for the long post tho, bye!

Be Prepared

VMA 2013

Ah.... the Video Music Awards.
I'm gonna say this is my favorite VMA so far but some horrifying things ruined it.

First off I'm going to warn you about how long this post is.



Let's begin, shall we?

Starting off with Gaga's opening performance....

Well, I actually am a bit terrified when this came up lol. I don't like the song, so....... let's skip this haha. *sorry for monsters out there, i'm not trying to hurt anyone*

 And then my boys came up to present the best pop video award, WHEN OUT OF NO WHERE Taylor Swift said quoted,

Wait........ what game are you playing swizzle? Seriously tho? What the fuck did Harry did to you actually? It's been months now, get over it.

Oh and JT didn't won this award, what a bummer, but congrats to Selena!

And then Macklemore & Ryan Lewis won the best cinematography award for "Can't Hold Us", while JT won the best direction award for "Suit and Tie" and best editing award for "Mirror". Yeay!!!

And here comes the friggin nightmares........................... *you may start the horror song now*

She sung We Can't Stop, bla bla bla, and suddenly the Blurred Lines intro came up, and she ripped of that freaking swimsuit, and now she's only wearing a nude two pieced latex. And Robin Thicke walked in.

What. The actual. HELL.
WHAT is she doing? Can somebody tell me, please???

Is she trying to be a grown up like she always said? Well if that's the case, she's completely wrong because what she did represent nothing of grown-up-ness (I don't know nor care whether that word even exist or not). But she ruined this year's VMA, no doubt about it. Could someone tell her that this is not a stripper show, please?
But, despite all of that, I still think Robin Thicke is a hottie (yeah you can judge me for that).


MOVING ON, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis received the best hip hop video award. YEAYYYYY!!!

And can we just talk about how cute is Ryan? I can't even

Next, Taylor won the best female video award.

And guess what? You guessed right, she dishes someone, again. What a surprise!!! not. Well but I don't think she was talking about Harry because I Knew You Were Trouble is written a long time before she dated Harry, right?

After that Macklemore & Ryan Lewis received the best video with a social message award for "Same Love". I'm so proud :')

Ryan, you sir have a super hot voice let me tell you that.

And here comes my favorite part....................................

Guyssss guys guys, I think I found something that might be hotter than the sun, yep, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.

AND the thing is, his performance last for about 15 freaking minutes. How does MTV thinks I should hold myself together for such a long long long time ugh. But still, best VMA performance EVURRRR.

And then just when I thought this couldn't get any better, 'NSYNC REUNION!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously can't, they sang Bye Bye Bye, I can't..... bye.

LOOK HE'S BEING ADORABLE AGAIN

And after that wonderful 15 minutes are over, Jimmy Fallon walked in and gave the award to JT, and suddenly he turned into this-guy-who-play-it-coy-but-it's-SUPER-freaking-cute.

"I don't deserve this award, but I'm not gonna give it back." -Justin Timberlake

LOOK WHO'S BEING HUMBLE YOU GUYS.

And his speech is so funny, he's so cute ugh.

Let's keep this going okay haha.

Best song of the summer award goes tooooooooo, my lovely babes!!!

Congratulation!!!! I'm so happy you guys won this award!

Oh, and to the people who booed them,  BOO YOU.

Yeay Macklemore & Ryan Lewis!!! They performed their VMA debut, "Same Love". Congrats honey xx

After that Austin Mahone received the artist to watch award. I'm so happy for him! Proud to say I'm here from the beginning *wink*.

After that I jammed to Drake's "Started From The Bottom" lol, I don't even like that song.

Bla bla bla, suddenly the cute Joe Gordon-Levitt walked in looking adorable, as usual.

He presented the video of the year award, which includes Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and JT there.

And...... *drumroll* JT won the best male video award for "Mirror"!!!

 Can we all just take a moment to thank and appreciate God for creating him?

 Ben and Ryan was glad that JT won the award

And VMA is closed by Katy Perry's performance, "Roar". I think she looked really cute.

That's it for this year's VMA.

Three of my favorite people oh gosh

See you next time guys!

Say "Good bye Zayn Malik"

"Bye Zayn Malik"